For all you non Essex folk.
Subject: How to speak Essex!!
This is an invaluable guide......for those of you planning to venture into deepest darkest Essex (i.e. Romford)
alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item
amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend")
assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc.
awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day")
branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?")
cort a panda - A rather large hamburger
Dan in the maff - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff")
eye-eels - Women's shoes
Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre
garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper")
Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island
lafarjik - Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik")
OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs
paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport
reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig")
Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday
tan - The city of London, the big smoke
webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ("Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour")
wonnid - Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police
zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")